Guantanameow

In my list of things dairy that I adore, I forgot to add ice cream. How could I forget ice cream! I think I have been under a lot of stress lately. That could explain it. Every time I want to step out to catch the breeze, I am squeezed into this contraption called a harness. It is humiliating and very un-catly. The bunnies get to run past me. If only I didn't have this on, I would show em a thing or two. And the birds wheeze by making all happy sounds because they know they are safe even though a predator is around. That makes my teeth chatter.

Despite the shackles, I hunted and provided for myself. It was just my cat genes at work. Not like I ever hunted before or was shown how or was starving or anything. Like a natural. Just came to me. (Those of you who are owned by cats know what I mean.) There it was flying around, and I made short work of it. No point wasting it either- so I ate it.

What? Well, it wasn't exactly a bird. But it could have been. Well, if you must know, it was a fly. But it was almost as big as a small bird and quite fast. Anyway, flies are harder to catch cos they zig and zag and birds just fly straight. It probably takes less skill to catch a bird and if I didn't have this harness holding me back, who knows then. Anyway, even with the harness, I took the fly out.

How could she do this to a feline? As if I was a dog! When this hits the web there will be a scandal to equal some detention centers recently in the news (use picture on left to break the story on national sheets, please).

Speaking of dogs, I saw one walking along merrily on a harness the other day. (Watching it, I am even more convinced this harness thing must be illegal for felines. I am sure there is something in the Geneva Convention to that effect.) It wagged its tail and tried to be all friendly like so I decided to hunker down and launch an attack soon as it was within range. But my female pet called its owner to warn it about a lethal threat to that defenseless critter. Bummer!

I've been thinking and thinking about the payback for the humiliation of the harness. Well, something besides the physical pain I will inflict on her (yea, its always the round one that gets the horrid torture device on me). After much deliberation, I have put into action a new plan. I sit next to her when she starts to eat, I just stare up down at each morsel entering her maw. She has tried to offer me some to convince me it is nothing I would want. He he. As if. I sniffed at her paw and looked away from the stuff she was eating (who would eat lentils, rice and veggies without tuna? or cream?) to make the point that I certainly did not want to be putting that stuff into my body. Anyway, by the end of her meal she was muttering as I made her realize how much she was eating as I stared from plate to hand to mouth diligently. I even tried to take some food away with my paw to make the point. She squawked. He he. Gonna do it again tomorrow.